Time's Fun When You're Having Flies

It's getting pretty scary how fast the days are flying by. For example, it's already Friday and I can't really account for what I did this week. Let's see, I read a couple of novels, mowed the grass, went to "town" on errands one day, went to Folkmoot...and today screwed around in the hayloft (the bonus room above the garage) much of the day. That's it other than sitting on the porch watching the hummingbird wars. As someone dear to me used to say, "I haven't accomplished much today."

But isn't that exactly what I'm enjoying about retirement? Yes. For too many years I had every day structured by work, family commitments, more work, and then work at home. Chores were onerous because they took away from what little free time I had, so I resented doing them. Now, it seems that chores get done when I feel like it so they aren't that big a deal. No, I don't love them and would still rather sit and read a book rather than clean house, but I don't resent doing them.

So...what bothers me about the days flying by? A sense of my mortality, I suppose. And my increasing awareness of the aging process. I've been at Ridgehaven seven weeks, which is hard to believe. That's almost two months...out of twelve...which is one-sixth of the year of total vacation I have given myself. I'm loving this stress-free, carefree life and would love to be able to keep doing this forever, but I will probably need to earn some money at the end of this vacation year. So part of the awareness of the passage of time is kind of like counting down the end of summer vacation, but I think there's more to it than that. Fear? Maybe. But fear of what? Increasing infirmity? Aging? Death? I keep telling myself to get in shape, to get the weight off, to decrease my chances of illness caused by lifestyle, but I haven't done much about it yet. Same old story.

Today I found out that a good friend of mine has a sister who is dying after a "routine" gall bladder surgery. She's only 72. And Carol has a cousin who is about to be taken off life support. He's in his 60's. I guess part of what I'm feeling is that I love my life so much at this point that I want it to stay this way forever. Silly, I know. Impossible, I know. But I just want to soak up these wonderful days and not feel as if I'm squandering them. I do believe that we can choose fear or choose love. I do not want to live in fear, so today..tonight...at this moment, I choose love. I choose to love my life today and not fear what tomorrow brings. I choose "the prayer that never fails"--thy will be done.