ALL BY MYSELF (DON'T WANT TO BE...)

                            ON MY OWN THIS WEEK

For years I've lived alone.  I haven't had a house mate, except for a very short time and if you don't count Mom, since I was in college.  And that was a LONG time ago. Having Mom live with me was different because I was her caretaker and she could not share any of the responsibilities.  But since we moved to Ridgehaven, Carol (who has also lived alone for a decade) and I have shared this lovely house and the responsibilites that go with it.  We were both a bit curious about how we would deal with the need to have time to ourselves, but so far that really hasn't been a problem.  We have two living areas and a bonus room, a large yard with a hammock, and of course the porch.  When I feel the need to take a nap or to have some serious alone time, I have found that the guest room is the perfect place.  I can turn on the fans for white noise (or the window unit AC if I need to), close the door, and read/sleep/doze/repeat the cycle, without interfering with Carol's normal activities. 

Napping is precious to me.  I could be a professional napper, if there were such a thing.  I am a pro.  I really don't understand people who don't nap.  My friend Annie never takes a nap unless she is sick.  When I was working, napping was how I coped.  I would come home from work, nap for a couple of hours, then be able to stay up late grading those stacks and stacks of papers. I'm not much of a couch napper either.  I prefer the bed...for serious naps.  Couch napping usually qualifies as dozing to me and really is not in the same league as true napping.  I would say there is a genetic factor to this love of napping since many members of my family enjoy it as well, but my oldest brother doesn't seem to fit the pattern.  He's more energetic than the rest of us in many other ways, and I do feel that his wife influenced him early on since she is always on the go. My niece Laurie is among the best of the nappers. She's in the same league as me, but now that she's in law school, I bet she values those naps even more.  Her brother, Greg, is the center of a family story about napping in the bathtub.  Once his father was a little concerned about how long Greg had been in the bathtub, so he peeked in on Greg and discovered that he had gone "cypress" with only his knees showing.  (Maybe you have to be from Louisiana to see the humor in that story.)

One of my favorite childhood memories is of taking a nap with my mom.  She did like to nap, and I'm sure that the time she had to rest was limited considering how hard she worked.  But you really had to be still to nap with her or you'd get scolded.  "Be still!!" she'd command.  But I also remember those precious times when I would tell her, "Hold my hand" and she'd reach over as we spooned and take my hand.  Somehow it was much easier for me to go to sleep then.  (This picture reminds me of that image in my mind.) Not many years ago when Mom was living with me and had begun to be ravaged by age and dementia, I cherished those moments when we would lie down together and nap, just like when I was a child.  Only then I felt that I was the one comforting her so that she could relax and go to sleep. Some of the ugly images that are still in my head are of the last days when she was in the nursing home and could not sleep but instead talked incessantly to some unknown people only she could see.  Those disturbing images are fading, but I suspect they will be with me always.   I miss you, Mom.

I used to hate it when my students would nap in class and would really give them a hard time about it.  I considered it a personal insult that they did not find my class scintillating enough to keep them wide-eyed and eager for the next words of wisdom coming from my mouth.  But I also envied them the ability to just nod off sitting straight up (I wouldn't let them put their heads down AT ALL).  As much as I love to nap, the conditions have to be right for me to be able to get to sleep, but some of them could drop off to sleep at at any time, anywhere.  I guess sitting in a classroom for 90 minutes at a time is more conducive to that than standing up and pacing the classroom, as I usually did.  Maybe it's a feat only young people can manage.

So...what am I doing this week now that I'm "all by myself"?  It's been less than 48 hours, so I'm not climbing the walls out of boredom or anything.  The Olympics are on, but I'm tiring of watching off-beat sports.  I've told myself I'd read, but I haven't done much of that either.  Instead, I spend most of yesterday web surfing, which can be an incredibly time-wasting activity.  I'm looking for the perfect walk-behind lawnmower to handle the heavily sloped part of the meadow that I don't feel comfortable mowing on my riding mower.  There is no such thing, of course, but I certainly have done my best to try and find one that will suit our needs.  Actually MY needs, since I am the designated mower.  And I do take my job seriously and want the entire yard and meadow to look good without risking life and limb. But I'm also learning to live on a limited budget since I retired, AND I'm learning that I should consult Carol about major purchases, neither of which I am used to doing.  She is much more frugal than I am while I've too frequently been an impulse buyer, but I do want to be informed about the purchase of our next mower. 

Which reminds me...that's what I'm supposed to be doing today...going into town to talk to some professional mower guys.  Guess I'd better shut this rambling down and get moving!!